I don’t have a “crush” so this is to my boyfriend.
My dearest Sean,
I hate you and I love you. You drive me insane and you make me the happiest girl alive. You make me feel beautiful and you make me feel like a monster. I don’t know what it is about you that made me want you over other guys or over “him”. To want to “switch” guys with my best friend and take you over Terin. But there’s something. You reminded me what butterflies felt like, what it felt like to be nervous around someone you really liked, what a first kiss with someone special felt like. I had been going through a lot of shit when we first got together and had recently gotten out of a serious relationship with someone that meant a lot. When you asked me out in my living room closet that September afternoon, in front of our best friends, there was no way I was going to say no. You made me feel alive; made me feel happy again. For a while, you even made me forget about cutting; forget about my pain buried deep. It didn’t last long though. You cheated on me. And that will forever tear me up inside. You say “you were drunk” but it’s no excuse. To do that with a girl you barely knew; who I introduced you to, while I was just downstairs, is low; very low. That is one thing I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive you for. It’s one pain that will never go away. And i’m sorry but that’s how it is. I’ve broken up with you three times, yet you still stick around. I love you for that. When I was upset or mad and broke up with you, you didn’t move on, you didn’t go out and hook up with all the girls you know you could have, because you love me, and although it may not seem like it all the time, I love you too- with my whole heart. I never want to lose you or hurt you in any way. Thank you for being amazing (most of the times) and putting up with my crap day in and day out. I don’t deserve you Sean :]
